My abusive relationship with ‘Success’
I am here today to share my story about my abusive relationship with Success. The definitions and meanings we give certain words determine how we experience them in our lives. Unfortunately, early on in life we don’t have the awareness or control over the emotions/meanings we give things.
When I was 16 years old I started believing that “success” had to be this unachievable greatness that only the select few could have. Success was being rich, powerful, having status, and people looking up to you. It was all about the end goal — the outcome.
I never stopped to think about whether this definition was serving me and secondly never once even acknowledged all of the work it took to get to that success.
As a result of this, I led a life where my value was only as worthy as my next achievement. If I wasn’t achieving, I wasn’t successful. It was constantly looking outside of me for worth and a pat on the back that I was a success or at least on my way to becoming one. This left me very little room or time to actually ask myself what I want or who I am. I was so obsessed with the outcome — that I never really paid any attention to the process itself.
I kept seeking instant gratification — but always left room for some “pain” to make me feel like I was doing some of the work. And that is what it comes down to — by telling myself that becoming successful would ultimately be painful, I was consistently shooting myself in the foot. In that I would set my goals or outcome so high that it would make it impossible to even start or try.
I was constantly comparing my current self to people who worked their entire lives to get where they are today. As a result — I continue to be comfortable existing as a comparison, rather than my own person.
Through the self development process and working with my coach I was able to realize how damaging this pattern was. I made the decision last year that I no longer want to live in the shadow of someone I have made up in my head. I no longer want to live up to this image of a woman I created from a place of shallow understanding of the world. I care more about who she is inside — rather than who she is in light of my old definition of success.
Everyday — I am realizing the attitudes, thoughts and beliefs that are getting in the way of my peace and ultimate sustainable happiness. It is constantly comparing myself and judging my journey based on someone else’s. For when we focus on what is happening externally and we aren’t present with who we are and what we have to give the world — we lose out. We lose time with ourselves, which is the most precious gift. I am a gift. What I have to say is a gift.
Every minute we spend comparing ourselves to where we think we should be or who we think we should be — we are losing precious time that we could have used to BUILD OURSELVES UP.
Every moment of every day we have a choice to be who we want, so why are we so busy trying to be something we are not? No one made it trying to be somebody else — at least they weren’t fulfilled when they got the life they think they wanted.
Everyday I choose to believe that I can have a life where I do what I love. I have been so conditioned to think about profits, revenues, “success”, status that I can’t see that at the other side of all of this junk there is something so special. That special something is ME. I will continue to seek what lights me up and I will share that light with the world.
I will have times where my old self will pop up and try to say “This doesn’t feel right. Let’s stick to what is safe. Please. What if we aren’t good enough for this?” to which I will respond “Watch me. Trust me. I got this” — I will dedicate my life to myself…I will dedicate my light and my energy to a life that I want to create.
In short — what I’m trying to say is that SUCCESS is in the process, not the outcome.
When we are attached to an outcome — we limit ourselves. We limit our potential. There is no telling what we are capable of — but I can promise you one thing, you’ll never know your potential if you don’t give it everything you’ve got. Success is showing up as my full self — it’s embodying LOYALTY to it’s core in everything I do. It’s not allowing that gremlin to tell me I AM NOT ‘x’ ENOUGH.
Loyalty and spiritually is a deep knowingness that I am always enough. It’s trusting that I know what is best for me — that there is a divine intelligence inside of me that I can call up anytime. As long as I am present and quiet.
Success is falling in love with the process — not the outcome. It’s listening to my deepest desires and having internal motivators show me the way. Success is also not buying into the idea that money is everything, because it’s not. It’s energy. I choose abundance.